“My own avid consumption of La Croix, which is just filtered tap water that’s been force-carbonated and flavored, had become reflexive, habitual, desultory-a drink to drink when I didn’t feel like using my brain, the water equivalent of ordering a Starbucks coffee,” Michelman writes. In Punch, beverage writer (and Portlander) Jordan Michelman argues that the seltzer renaissance in 2019 was simply a stepping stone on the path to a rediscovery and reimagining of mineral water. For many connoisseurs, mineral water is the next level, after using a flavored seltzer as your entry point. Mineral water culture - sparkling water, unadulterated by superfluous flavors or juices to let its natural components and terroir shine - is having its culinary moment in the United States, with water sommeliers in high-end restaurants and glass bottles from every corner of the world in specialty store aisles. Let’s take a minute to think about seltzer. It smelled like almost nothing, offering the slightest whiff of a cotton candy Dum Dum. So what is it about the Upper Left cotton candy flavor that turns me off? Is it my preconceived notion of what cotton candy seltzer would taste like? That being said, there is still something overwhelmingly uninviting about cotton candy-flavored seltzer. The cotton candy doesn’t taste nearly as sweet as the Key lime pie - perhaps this has to do with the sort of condensed milk-vanilla relative in the Key lime pie flavor, or perhaps that natural fragrant sweetness the Floridian citrus is known for. Initially, it tastes similar to a Key lime LaCroix but mixed with a clarified milk punch, before that classic hit of ethanol pops in to remind you not to drink six in the middle of your workday, Brooke. On the palate, however, this is the clear winner: It allows for more layers of flavor, and it doesn’t taste like I stole a handful of lollipops from a pizza place after a frat party. The brand’s other flavor, Key lime pie, smells more like graham crackers and vanilla than Key lime, though there’s a whisper of citrus there yes, I’m sniffing the can as if it’s a glass of 2015 pinot noir, which my coworkers rightfully mocked me for on a Zoom happy hour. Over time, however, the initial sweetness subsides, and it transitions into that classic hard seltzer flavor, sort of like a mix between vodka and turpentine. On the palate, it is not exactly cotton candy - a closer relative may be blue raspberry Laffy Taffy, chewed near an open bottle of nail polish remover.
#COTTON CANDY DUM DUM CRACKED#
I cracked open a can of the cotton candy hard seltzer on a Wednesday afternoon. So when Upper Left - perhaps in response to my slightly snarky headline - sent me six cans of seltzer, I thought, cotton candy hard seltzer can’t hurt me, right? Then again, I’m an adventurous woman I’ve consumed my fair share of moonshines and backyard booze that very well could have left me paralyzed or dead. But the premise of drinking what is essentially concentrated, floss-ified sugar, melted down with some sort of ethanol, didn’t exactly appeal. I’m not someone who is inherently anti-hard seltzer I’ve been known to partake in a White Claw from time to time. When this news first broke, I’ll admit I winced at the premise (I even wrote the headline “ A New Portland Company Is Making Cotton Candy Hard Seltzer, Whether You Like It or Not” on September 17). The company launched with only two flavors: Key lime pie and cotton candy. (no relation to the cafe of the same name), in September, available at the brewery, Baby Doll Pizza, and Zupan’s.
That someone was Adam Milne, the man behind Old Town Brewing he and the brewers at Old Town started selling their line of hard seltzers, Upper Left Seltzer Co. So it was only a matter of time before someone in Portland - a city known for its beverage scene, be it coffee or booze – would develop their own brand.
Brands like Spindrift and Bud Light have launched their own varieties, seltzer bars have opened around the country, and there’s a whole traveling festival dedicated to spiked sparkling water. Since the early days of White Claw, hard seltzer has only continued to proliferate.
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